Some Medical Humor

Since I am punch drunk this morning and the last few posts had nothing to do with my real blog subject I thought I would bring it back at least to the medical side. Here is a list of actual notes on patients medical charts as recorded by their health care professional. I know I had a good laugh on some of these.

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a
year

2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it
disappeared completely.

3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband
states she was very hot in bed last night.

4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me
in 1997.

5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also
appears to be depressed.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert
but forgetful.

8. The patient refused an autopsy.

9. The patient has no past history of suicides.

10. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably
insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past
three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady
pregnant.

14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you
might like to work her up.

15. She is numb from her toes down.

16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life,
until she got a divorce.

22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for
physical therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a
job as a lawyer instead.

27. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we
should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

30. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.