I have not forgotten...

I fell asleep fairly early last night but I think the Kadian is causing me to have some weird dreams. I am sure that would be a side effect of morphine based drugs, but I would have to do some more reading on it.

I dreamt that I was back in the Army. This though was not just a dream where you can hear and see things, I could smell and taste them too. Like if I was actually awake and there. This dream was interesting though as it was something that really happened in my past. It was a day I have thought about often but I have never dreamt about, October 13, 1993.

I was stationed at Fort Irwin as a member of the OPFOR and had been tasked to go out and fight what is known as the counter recon screen. Basically you send out a few vehicles and men to a forward position and they monitor "enemy" activity so that the commander can have better feel for where the enemy are and when they might attack. On this particular fight it was my BMP, a T-72 from our sister tank company and another BMP from 1st PLT of my company, commanded by SSG Fitzpatrick.

We moved into our positions right after EENT (early evening nautical twilight) so as to provide the best chances for not being observed but still being able to maneuver easily. I positioned myself just forward of Hill 876 and the Peanut/Chod Hill and reported back to the commander that my vehicle was "set." I could hear the engines of the other vehicles moving around, looking for a position that would offer cover and concealment but allow them to hear and view the battlefield. When they too reported "set", we went in to observation mode.

It was a night of limited movement. What little moon we had was obscured by a heavy cloud cover, rendering any night vision we had almost worthless. Couple that with the winds kicking up sand and driving was difficult.

The night was going smoothly and we intercepted several small recon patrols. Rather then fire the main gun and risk giving away our position we called in artillery strikes to "kill" them. This was a mission I truly enjoyed being on and was often tasked with doing just like the other BMP that was with me that night. We chatted on the radio with the other vehicles to ID and target incoming enemy patrols, but I would say more so to fight off the boredom that accompanies the mission. When there is no enemy to fight, there is nothing to do.

Around 0445 the company commander called and ordered us to move back in to the battle positions about 5 kilometers to our rear. Making the movement was going to be slow but we needed to be done before BMNT (before morning nautical twilight) so as not to be seen and give away the battle positions. The other BMP and mine met up just to the West side of Hill 876 where the wire and mine obstacles were located. Since I was with the engineers when the minefield had been laid I led the other vehicle through and then closed off the wire while he continued to move to his position.

Up until that moment everything had gone as it normally did. I closed the minefield off and moved my vehicle down the min trail which would lead me to my fighting position. In the distance I could hear the engine of the other BMP searching for their position. I found mine and pulled the vehicle in to the defilade and climb out on top. It was a quiet evening in the desert, crisp with a slight breeze that was nipping my cheeks, I listened to the excited babble on the radio as people were slowly starting to awake and finish the prep for the oncoming fight.

It was then that I saw the red star cluster. In the Army red smoke and illumination rounds are used for one thing only, real world emergencies that required immediate medical assistance. I grabbed my binoculars to see if I could locate the position but it was still fairly dark. I told my gunner to switch our auxiliary radio to the range control & medevac freq because if this was real world emergency they would most likely be calling in a medevac.

It took few minutes but the radio leapt to life with excited calls to range control from 6ID (pronounced six india delta) which was the call sign of our company commander. They had a priority mission for a medevac for a troop in critical condition. All we could do was sit and wonder who it was. That is the part that sucks, all these guys are your buddies.

The sun was poking it's head over the horizon and out in the valley you could see the dust trails of the "enemy" columns that had started their movement. The radios were abuzz with 20 people all trying to talk over each other but the only thing I was hearing was the medevac frequency. It was not long until I heard the news. Our critical casualty had passed away and they were changing the request for a medevac to a call for a coroner. My heart sank and I remember choking back tears when they gave the vehicles grid coordinates. It was the vehicle I has spent the night with on the counter recon screen, SSG Fitzpatrick.

What had happened was that when I left them at the wire they started their move back to their position. The positions for the vehicles are a hole in the ground deep enough to hide a tank and they have a shallow platform that they can pull up on to while still being partially dug in they can fire their main gun at the enemy while maintaining a low profile. For night time purposes we marked the poles in a way that we would be able to see them at a close distance but not far away. This would allow us to move safely in the battle position but not allow the enemy to target the positions at night. For the BMPs' we were in the holes are about 10' deep. While they were crossing the open desert looking for their position they drove across a hole that had been improperly marked and their vehicle rolled on ts side in to the hole. Fitz was the tank commander and as such he was standing on a platform in the turret that would allow him to see out of the vehicle and guide the driver. When the vehicle rolled over he was trapped between the side wall of the hole and the top of the turret.

It is a night I have not forgotten and never will.

Why I had the dream I do not know, but all the sensaions were as real as they were that day. I could taste the sand as would blow in to my mouth and nose, the moement of the vehicle as it jostles you around. In other dreams I have been able to taste food and feel, things that have never been a component of my dreams before. I can only say that this started since the med change.

To this day I can still see Fitz's face and hear his voice, almost 12 years later. He was a tall guy and while he was black he had a light complexion and freckles. I used to give him a hard time about it since all of us who are Irish are thought to have red hair and freckles, and he would come back with "I'm black Irish." Of course this got a laugh out of me.

Rest In Peace Fitz.